Chances are, you know someone who's either going through a divorce, been divorced or is a product of a divorced household. Fact of the matter is, 30-40% of all marriages end in divorce, which is actually an all time low for our nation. But you can barely blink without being surrounded by celebrities marrying and divorcing for various reasons: monetary, adultery, differing schedules or one partner's dislike of the newest Beyonce track. Divorce is everywhere.
That being said, why does it still feel so taboo? Why do I still feel like a failure? Why do I hesitate to admit I am knee deep into a divorce, why do I fret about asking for help? The institute of marriage is held extremely sacred to some, and these people likely have great marriages and think we should too. They want to share their "secret" and want to convince you that this isn't the path God wants for you. They kind of make you feel like a loser. Then there are the ones that point fingers and play the blame game. "Well had you not done such and such, maybe he would have stayed with you"....yeah well..umm NO. We tried. We fell in love while I was a nurse in his budding endocrine clinic and I was fresh out of nursing school. He was 10 years older and one of the smartest men I had ever met. I admired how he approached patient care and advocated for education. He wanted a family, he was a smart ass and he thought I was beautiful and funny. So we got married. Yes there were red flags here and there, but nothing a baby or two couldn't fix, right? What about a few marriage counselors? Writing each other letters mapping out our feelings? Yeah. We fought the good fight. We tried. And now we want to give the other the chance to be happy in the future.
Fast forward 10 years. We have built a wonderfully amazing pediatric and adult private endocrine clinic. We have thousands of patients that feel like family. Patients whom I share my personal cell phone number with because I truly want them to know they can call if they ever need us. These people truly care for me and the good Dr and our two awesome sons. Through social media many feel like they know my boys and get to share in their daily funnies and goofy smiles.
We are choosing a path less taken by continuing to run our practices and clinic together, even in the wake of deciding to dissolve our almost 10 year marriage. So far, so good. By being able to place the utmost importance on our children and patients we've been able to form a united front and stop being so...so...pissed off at one another!
Not saying I still don't break down and cry sometimes while I'm driving and hear a song that played at our wedding, or when our boys ask why we don't do things as a foursome anymore. It's sad. It sucks. There's no way around making a divorce a fun thing for anyone. Looking at houses, organizing finances, discussing custody agreements...it's anxiety producing. It drives my sugar up. Keeps me from sleeping. Don't even get me started on dating. Sometimes I wish I could take my health issues to him the way I used to so freely. And I catch myself. He's not my best friend and partner anymore. I have to allow him to heal and move on, the way he's allowing me to. We have to learn what our new normal is.
Thank you to everyone that checks on me and the boys. Thank you for your prayers and support. This new season of our life is a stressful one, and we are taking it day by day...and having an amazing family, friends that are to die for and little boys that make laughing so hard hurt is certainly helpful.