Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The one about my big toe....

I recently had to undergo a procedure, lovingly referred to as an "EGD", aka "upper GI" scope. Yep, my asshole maintains its status as "EXIT ONLY"...at least for now. I began having waves of stomach acid roll up into mouth at inopportune times, or I would have to, very emergently, puke. It was not cool. Between my Celiac and all of the crap I take for my RA, the Dr wanted to see what was going on and take some biopsies. Seriously? What ELSE. Part of me wanted to cry, part of me was glad she was pretty confidant that I was not dying of yet-to-be-determined disease state. Everything ended up being fine, I have severe esophagitis, a hiatal hernia and had developed an esophageal ring (to which my friends made comparsions to "cock rings"...I need new friends, obviously)...nothing a new, yeat ANOTHER pill couldn't fix.

As my IV was being inserted prior to my procedure, the RN made an observation. He asked why I was wiggling my big toe so anxiously. I had to stop my train of thought and actually look down to witness WTF he was actually referring to. I explained to him that, as a child, being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, while learning to give myself injections, I had developed this "toe wag". It happens if I'm getting blood drawn, a shot, having an IV placed, BP checked...basically anything medical. Its my "wubbie", if you will. I don't scream, squirm or hold someone's hand tight...I just wag my big toe. Hmmmph..works for me.

Then it made me wonder if others with chronic diseases have developed odd coping mechanisms or nuances assosciated with their diseases. I feel like mine has become exaggerated as I keep adding to my collection of crap that's wrong with me. Not that I go around feeling sorry for myself. That's just no fun. Plus, I'm WAAAAY to heavily medicated for that. I just make fun of others and turn up my smart assedness when I'm feeling down, it usually makes others laugh, and it sure as hell makes me feel better about life. I often say this in my practice: "Sometimes you have to laugh, otherwise you're gunna cry"....and that's ok. In itself, humor and laughter is a type of coping mechanism.

I'm also dealing with a very VERY personal life decision I have recently had to make. So, instead of keeping it all in and being private, I'll blog about it. I have decided not to have anymore children, even though I would love to be pregnant and have another baby. It would just be too dangerous for both baby and me, and my luck, (because we have to do IVF) I would end up with triplet girls. Then ya'll would all have to send me diapers and formula, because I would be too poor from buying bows and ruffled leggings to keep my kid's butt's dry. So, yeah...it sucks...and I wish I could wag my toe until I felt better about this all, but it doesn't work that way. So feel free to send presents.